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15 bước lên đẳng cấp “pờ rồ” August 27, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — ktetaichinh @ 2:22 pm
Cập nhật: 16/8/2009 | 11:44:04 AM
Từ “pro” đã trở thành cửa miệng khi nhắc đến khả năng ứng xử cũng như chất lượng đỉnh trong công việc của một người nào đó. 15 lời khuyên sau sẽ giúp cải thiện hình ảnh đẳng cấp chuyên nghiệp của mỗi người.
15 bước lên đẳng cấp “pờ rồ”

(Ảnh minh hoạ)

Lời nói

Không nói quá nhanh: Thói quen nói quá nhanh, do hào hứng hay lo lắng, không tạo ấn tượng tốt trong giao tiếp. Hãy nói chậm rãi, nhất là trong các cuộc thi tuyển hay gặp ai đó lần đầu tiên. Sự im lặng và những quãng nghỉ là vũ khí khá lợi hại để đánh dấu và thu hút sự chú ý của người tiếp chuyện.

Tránh “biệt ngữ hóa”: Các thuật ngữ kỹ thuật, cao siêu khiến người nghe vắt óc suy nghĩ nên tạo khoảng cách trong giao tiếp. Ngôn ngữ thân mật hay đường phố cũng cần tránh và hiệu quả nhất là sử dụng một ngôn ngữ thông dụng và dễ hiểu.

Các từ chêm, từ nối như “à”, “anh biết đấy” thể hiện bạn do dự, suy nghĩ hay đang bực mình, khiến câu chuyện bị ngắt quãng. Nên ghi âm lại một cuộc giao tiếp trên điện thoại hay hội nghị để dần thay thế chúng bằng các im lặng ngắn.

Kiểm soát độ cao của giọng nói: Các cô gái thường có thói quen cao giọng khiến người nghe khó chịu và bị kích động. Một giọng nói trầm, vừa phải sẽ mang đến bình tĩnh và tự tin. Còn các chàng trai thì không nên gây chú ý khi tăng âm lượng trong thuyết phục hay gây ảnh hưởng lên với ai đó.

Chú ý đến cách nói: Không thể sử dụng lối xã giao trong người thân, bạn bè. Nói với đồng nghiệp thì thân thiện, với sếp thì trân trọng vừa phải.

Vẻ ngoài

Trang phục: Hình thức bên ngoài là một lợi thế, nhất là với các cô gái. Một bộ trang phục hợp người hợp cảnh giúp bạn lấy thêm sự tự tin. Sành điệu thì chẳng ai cấm, nhưng đừng cầu kỳ tốn kém quá hoặc quá lố, nếu bạn không muốn trở thành cái gai trong mắt các nữ đồng nghiệp khác.

Chú ý tư thế của cơ thể: Ngôn ngữ của cơ thể hỗ trợ rất lớn trong giao tiếp. Luôn giữ tư thế thẳng, đối diện với người đối thoại và tránh khoanh tay trước ngực vì điều đó đồng nghĩa với sự khép mình, phòng thủ. Tư thế ngả ngốn trên ghế hay tựa lưng trên bàn khiến người đối thoại nghĩ bạn thờ ơ, thiếu nhiệt huyết, biến câu chuyện trở nên buồn tẻ. Đầu ngẩng cao, thẳng, tránh nghiêng một bên, mắt không nhìn đi nơi khác hay nhìn xuống sàn nhà khi đang nói.

Thận trọng với các phụ kiện và trang sức: Phụ kiện có thể tôn vinh nhưng có thể là kẻ phản bội lại trang phục của bạn. Không nên mang giày bẩn hay áo choàng nhàu. Đừng quên rằng bộ trang phục đẳng cấp “pro” rất kén phụ kiện.

Không bỏ qua các tiểu tiết: Vết cà phê trên áo sơ mi, vết mỡ trên giày hay áo bị tuột đường may. Đôi khi những tiểu tiết đó sẽ phá vỡ hình ảnh một người chuyên nghiệp. Trước mỗi cuộc họp quan trọng, hãy nhìn lại mình trong gương. Nếu cuộc họp diễn ra xa nhà, hãy mang phòng theo mình một áo sơ mi và một đôi tất để thay, trong trường hợp những thứ trên người bạn đẫm mồ hôi.

Các cử chỉ đúng mực

Học ứng xử trên bàn ăn: Các mối quan hệ có thể được thiết lập tốt qua một cuộc picnic hay bữa ăn. Nên ăn và uống có chừng mực, biết chọn đồ uống và biết sử dụng thuần thục các phụ kiện. Bạn có thể tham gia một khóa học ngắn về lễ tân và các kỹ năng giao tiếp trên bàn tiệc.

Hoàn thiện nghệ thuật giới thiệu: Làm quen là cả một nghệ thuật bao gồm nhiều nghi thức. Khi bạn ở một sự kiện quan trọng, việc đầu tiên là giới thiệu khách với người có vị thế lớn nhất và giới thiệu tên khách quan trọng nhất với những người còn lại.

Sử dụng đúng danh thiếp: Danh thiếp là bộ mặt của mỗi người, nên thiết kế và in phải chuyên nghiệp. Không sử dụng giấy có răng cưa. Tránh ghi chép lên danh thiếp của người khác trước mặt họ.

Làm chủ tình thế: Một cái bắt tay hời hợt gây phản cảm. Người cao tuổi thường mắc chứng viêm khớp nên những cái nắm tay quá “nhiệt tình” sẽ làm họ đau đớn. Nghệ thuật bắt tay là phần da nối ngón cái và ngón trở của tay bạn phải tiếp xúc với phần da của tay đối tác.

Học hùng biện: Lời nói có sức mạnh khôn lường. Việc học cách phát biểu trước đám đông, làm chủ tình huống và linh hoạt trong trình bày bằng lời là rất cần thiết.

Luôn chăm chú: Sự chăm chú giúp mắt bạn nắm bắt câu chuyện đồng thời thể hiện sự quan tâm, tôn trọng người khác cũng như luyện kiên nhẫn cần thiết.

Đừng quên điều mọi người nhớ đến bạn chính là sự tốt bụng, dễ mến, thân thiện: Dành chút thời gian để chào hỏi mọi người khi gặp gỡ. Thân thiện nhưng không suồng sã, luôn quan tâm, biết giữ lời, tôn trọng bí mật cũng như đời sống riêng tư của người khác. Để bước vào thế giới pro, hãy học cách nên và không nên nói gì, biết nói đúng nơi, đúng lúc và đúng chỗ.

Theo Chuyên san TGHD
 

Nghệ thuật “PR” bản thân August 20, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — ktetaichinh @ 2:42 pm
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Nghệ thuật “PR” bản thânVới tình hình kinh tế như hiện nay thì bất kỳ trong công ty nào đều có sự cạnh tranh. Mục tiêu cuối cùng mà tất cả nhân viên hướng tới là làm sao bạn có thể nổi bật, được sếp chú ý… và cách hiệu nghiệm nhất ở đây đó là tự “PR” mình.

Dưới đây, chúng tôi xin giới thiệu 5 cách giúp bạn nhấn mạnh những thành tựu của mình mà không hề có vẻ như khoe khoang hay kể công:

1.Thu hút sự chú ý của sếp: Nếu sếp quá bận rộn không để ý đến những hành động, đến những sự cố gắng của bạn, cố gắng cập nhật cho sếp bạn về công việc của bạn. Lên kế hoạch cho những cuộc họp hàng tuần, gửi thư điện tử thường xuyên mô tả chi tiết những điều bạn đã làm, liệt kê những vấn đề khác. Tuy nhiên, cố gắng ngắn gọn, súc tính, cung cấp nhiều thông tin và cân bằng. Đừng nói quá nhiều về bạn, hãy nhấn mạnh kết quả công việc tốt đẹp ra sao, trong đó không thể thiếu công sức của bạn.

2. Mở rộng mối quan hệ: Tạm biệt những suy nghĩ cổ hủ, ác cảm đối với ai đó, nỗ lực làm quen với những người khác không trong văn phòng của bạn. Bạn có thể bắt chuyện với họ bằng cách mới họ tham gia trong một dự án toàn công ty, hoặc đơn giản là ngồi trong một cuộc họp. Điều này không chỉ khuyến khích sự hợp tác, mà còn là một cách tự nhiên để nói về những điều bạn đang làm. Quan việc mời những người mới vào dự án hoặc cuộc họp, sự sáng tạo của bạn sẽ được chú ý hơn, và nhớm bạn đang làm việc cũng vậy.

3. Học hỏi kinh nghiệm: Nhiều người cho rằng, hỏi khiến chúng ta trông thật kém cỏi, không có năng lực. Trong thực tế, hỏi kinh nghiệm từ những người khác có thể xây dựng mối quan hệ. Qua việc, hỏi người khác, bạn nhận ra bạn cần phải làm gì, học được những kỹ năng từ các đồng nghiệp. Có thể nói đây các đồng nghiệp rất đề cao và chú ý đến những người luôn có tinh thần học tập.

4. Làm việc theo nhóm một cách hiệu quả

Nếu bạn muốn mình nổi trội và được chú ý, một điều đơn giản đó là cùng góp sức giúp nhóm bạn toả sáng. Theo cách này, bạn sẽ tập trung vào những nỗ lực của cả nhóm và những đóng góp của bạn sẽ được đánh giá một cách chọn lọc.

5. Ăn mừng thành công

Nếu nhóm của bạn hay công ty vừa đạt doanh thu cao, hoặc vừa kết thúc một dự án lớn, hãy tổ chức ăn mừng. Tổ chức các bữa tiệc, in một vài cái áo phông, gửi một vài bức thư điện tử khen ngợi sự nỗ lực của mọi người. Ăn mừng là một cách quảng bá hình ảnh của bạn, tạo nên một không khí tốt cho văn phòng.

 

How to Find Beauty in Life August 12, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — ktetaichinh @ 4:34 pm

by Jonathan Mead

Life is mostly made up of routines and patterns. Every day we act them out and they are what make up the bulk of our lives. Many of us live according to a socially acceptable template, within the realm of safety, while living repetitively and dreaming of ways to escape.

I used to revolt against these routines. I saw them as the enemy of adventure and of living a spontaneous life. However, I’ve found that routines can be quite blissful. I’ve realized that every day events and what we would commonly classify as “normal”, is often extraordinary if you just take a closer look.

I’ve discovered that even if you’re not exactly where you’d like to be, that doesn’t mean that life right now can’t be beautiful or enjoyable. And the best part is, you don’t have to do anything to make it beautiful. It already is beautiful.
All you have to do is open your eyes.

Seeing Things Differently

We are constantly surrounded by miracles, but we do not recognize them because they come to us so gracefully and seamlessly.

For example, have you ever thought about how many different processes have to be organized simply to create the experience you’re having right now? Imagine if all of that was a conscious effort. Imagine if you had to think about breathing, or think about listening to music. You don’t, it just happens. Isn’t that amazing?

Now multiply that by a trillion. Every breath, every movement, and every condition that’s creating the possibility for you to be alive right now is a miracle.

We often get inundated with our To-Do lists, or get caught up in the drama of things that aren’t really important. Realizing that beauty exists in every moment is possible; it simply takes a way of seeing things a bit differently.

Boredom due to routine is a creation of the mind. In reality, there are no ordinary or extraordinary moments. There is beauty everywhere. If you truly understand this, you can look at any ordinary object and find beauty in its existence. You can see a pile of rotting compost and realize that within that organic waste is the possibility of a garden of flowers.

I’ve found that there are a few easy shifts that need to take place, in order to create a state of constant awareness of how amazing life is. Most of the time we only catch a glimpse of how amazing things really are before we get sucked back into the monotony of our routines. We lose mindfulness.

In order to make awareness of beauty a permanent fixture in your life, you need to practice being mindful and aware. I don’t claim that practicing these principles is easy, but the benefits are worthwhile when we bring consciousness into our daily existence.

1. Practice Listening

One of the biggest blocks to recognizing all of life’s extraordinary moments is that we often don’t stop to listen. We’re too busy talking to ourselves. If we’re thinking all the time, we’re living entirely in a world of symbols. We’re living in a world of abstractions about reality; words that describe, label, and categorize things. This can be a wonderful tool for communication, but it can also be a curse when it gets out of control.

If we’re always thinking, we’re never in a relationship with reality. In order to become intimate with life, we need to listen. Imagine that every time you interacted with someone, you were the only one talking. There would be no communication, because you never gave the other person a chance to speak. It works the same way when you’re communicating with life.

Instead of thinking all the time and getting lost in your own thoughts, slow down and just listen. Put your focus on listening. When you find that you are drifting away in your own thoughts, gently bring your focus back to listening.

2. Practice Non-Judgment

Have you ever noticed that when you judge other people, it immediately puts you in a negative mood?

Usually, the judgments we make are because other people aren’t conforming to our version of the way we would live. Everyone’s values are different, and that’s what makes life interesting. While there are some justifiable judgments you can make, they’re still, ultimately, not worth it.

Compassion is a better vehicle for change than judgment.

The next time you’re about to make a judgment, try to practice compassion instead.

Let your feeling of needing to judge be a reminder for you to practice compassion. That way, your negativity will be transformed into peace.

Beauty is experienced through a state of peace, never through a state of condemnation. And yes, non-judgment also means to stop complaining.

3. Open Your Heart

If you’re like me and you’re pretty left-brained, you might be thinking, “Okay that’s nice, but how exactly do I open my heart?”

Opening your heart is a matter of accepting yourself and life as it is. It’s a matter of forgiving yourself and others. It’s letting go of all your resistance to the flow of life and the flow of circumstances.

If you want to take action to change something, that’s fine. But it doesn’t make any sense to resist what is already a reality. Surrender to this moment, accept things and people as they are, and your heart will begin to open.

Tips for Daily Living

What all of these things have in common is presence. The more you’re living in the present moment, the more bliss you allow to come into your life. If you’re always living in the future, always seeking something, you’re rejecting what Is – you’re never actually here to experience the miracle of life, right now.

If you can just practice these three things, your life will start to transform dramatically. You’ll begin to tap into your inner integrity and live authentically. You can’t live in acceptance and not be authentic. And if you’re living authentically, you naturally move into a state of bliss. See where this is leading?

The three practices I’ve mentioned above are the primary catalysts for opening yourself up to how wonderful life can be. There are, however, many other practical things you can do that will help you become more aligned with these principles.

Here are a few suggestions:

* Find beauty in the little things. It’s amazing to me how when I stop the incessant mental chatter, and actually just see things, I am blown away by how beautiful they are. The trees swaying, the leaves blowing around on the ground, the waves crashing on the shore. The simplest of things have the most profound beauty. But you can only see them if you’re really there. If your mind is brooding, if you’re off somewhere else, you’ll completely miss them.

* Embrace your artistry. If you think you’re not a creative person, I’m here to respectably tell you – you’re wrong. You couldn’t not create, even if you wanted to. Every time you open your mouth, every story you tell yourself about the drama in your life, is an act of creation. You’re constantly shaping, reinventing, and writing the story of your life. Once you recognize this, it’s much more powerful for you to see yourself as an artist, rather than a non-creative person. So the question is: What story will you create today?

* Live without limits. Some limits are positive and necessary (like speed limits), but a lot of the limits we place on our lives block us from experiencing our full potential. Arbitrary limits, like fearing to reach out to a homeless person or talk to strangers, restrict the flow of love in our lives.

* Realize that beauty can be found in the most mundane. Beauty is not always realized through a life-changing moment or a great epiphany. It’s not always hidden in a rainbow, in an earth-shattering orgasm, or found skydiving at 5,000 feet above the ground. Beauty is often found through looking into a newborn’s eyes, in the blooming of a flower, or in paint peeling off an old fence. It’s often where you least expect it.

* See for the first time. Sometimes we get bogged down in schedules and obligations, and we lose our sense of wonder about the simple joys of life. Just quieting yourself internally and opening yourself up to an experience can allow you to view it again for the very first time. When you’re listening to music, imagine that you might have not been born with the ability to hear. When you reach out to touch someone, think about how many people don’t have use of their limbs. When you observe your surroundings, imagine you’re seeing color for the first time.

* Live intimately with life. The next time you have a drink of coffee or tea, completely take in the smell and the flavor of the beverage. When you breathe, feel the air enter your lungs. When you walk, really feel the ground beneath your feet. The amount of beauty you experience in life is largely related to your level of intimacy with life. If you’re walking around disconnected, you overlook the wealth of artistry that is available to you right now.

* Make your passion a priority. It’s easy to get wrapped up in doing all of the things that we think must get done. Wanting everything to be perfect gets in the way of having time for the things you really care about. While the errands and things on your to-do list might be necessary, it’s important to make the things you love a priority. If you have a hard time with distractions getting in your way, make a specific time during your day that is sacred, where you only do what you really want to do. Maybe it’s an hour of Kung Fu or Yoga in the morning before the rest of the world wakes up. Maybe it’s 30 minutes of Mahjong before you turn in for the night. Whatever it is, you have to make it a priority or it will get lost in the vacuum of the minutiae abyss.

* Focus on the good. The reason still puzzles me, but we humans have a tendency to focus on the negative in events, circumstances, and people. We have a tendency to count our misfortunes and all the things that are lacking before we count our blessings. Make a habit of focusing on all the things you’re grateful for and you will open yourself up to experiencing the beauty of life.

* Give something away. I’ve found that the best way to reconnect with how beautiful life can be is to give something away. It doesn’t have to be anything material. It can be a compliment, a smile, or a positive intention for someone else. Sometimes the greatest gift you can give is sincerely giving your presence.

This list is, by no means, exhaustive. These are just the things that have worked for me. Experiment on your own and take chances. Sometimes a deep breath or a smile at a stranger is all it takes to bring you back into a state of presence.

Closing Thoughts

It’s easy to get motivated to follow or chase a new provocative idea. Seeing the beauty in the “ordinary” sounds quite alluring. But like most things that catch our fleeting interest, our well intended desires get lost in our rush to get things done and keep up with the day to day business of living.

To make our perception of life being amazing a constant perception rather than a transient one, we have to slow down. It’s only through seeing the wisdom of slowing down, breathing and being present that we can realize how ridiculous it is to always be in a hurry. We may think we’re moving quicker, and getting more things done. But in doing so, we miss the point: to enjoy life now.

Only by slowing down and being here now can we make what we’re doing worthwhile. It’s in slowing down that we allow ourselves space to experience life more fully. We often go through life trying to eliminate and fill up space as much as possible in an attempt to “maximize” our time. But in the end, the exact opposite happens.

It’s through space that air fills your lungs. It’s through space that your body moves. It’s through space in the vibration of the air that sound is heard. It’s in the gaps between veins that blood flows. Without the space between these letters, there would be no words for you to read -it would all be incoherent.

In this way, you realize something…

Emptiness truly roars. Silence speaks. Space gives birth to form.

It’s in the gaps that beauty is found.

About the author: Jonathan Mead is a raw foodist, life coach, and prolific blogger. He is interested in unconventional paths to personal growth and advocates strange things like killing your goals. In his spare time he studies Jeet Kune Do and other ass-kicking strategies. He also wrote a pretty cool book, called Reclaim Your Dreams – An Uncommon Guide to Living on Your Own Terms.

 

Improve Your Luck

Filed under: Uncategorized — ktetaichinh @ 4:34 pm
Luck is thought to happen by chance; it’s not thought to be something you can plan for or obtain by intention. Some say luck is decided by our fates, or believe that some fortunate souls are mysteriously born under a lucky star.

At quick glance, it might look like there is truth to that. After all, some people’s lives overflow with abundance, vitality, successful careers, and loving relationships.

However, luck is not just a random event. Webster’s Dictionary defines luck as “a force that brings good fortune or adversity; a force that operates for or against an individual.” So, if luck is a force, you should be able to tap into it … at any time!

After a great deal of research and experimentation, I am here to tell you that there are ways in which you can tap into positive force and improve your luck. Indeed, luck is the product of our own mental focus and attitudes. Imagine now that by changing your focus, you can intentionally increase the amount of luck you experience in all areas of life.

Tune in to Your Gut

Ways to Improve Your Luck Nearly all of the lucky people I’ve met said they trust their intuition and pay close attention to their gut feelings. A good way to increase your ability to “hear” your gut is to empty your mind. Meditation is one way to effectively clear your mind and tune in to your gut. After all, it’s difficult to hear your intuitive self when your mind is overflowing with thoughts and to-do lists.

Face Your Fears

Ways to Improve Your Luck The only way to get beyond a fear is to march straight through it. Otherwise, you will either create a terribly long, circuitous route around it, or you will let your fear totally block your life path. If you hide from your fears, you are hiding from new opportunity that might be waiting for you. So stare down your fears and get back to your life.

Expect the Best

Ways to Improve Your Luck It’s called the Pygmalion Effect: you get what you expect, and lucky people expect the best. They are certain that their future is going to be full of good fortune. And these expectations become self-fulfilling prophecies. Ask around and you’ll find that “lucky” and “unlucky” people have astoundingly different expectations.

Chant to Change Your Karma

Ways to Improve Your Luck You can open yourself up to the forces of positive luck by chanting a mantra. A mantra is a religious or mystical syllable, poem, word, or series of words that is chanted either aloud or silently. When chanted, mantras become vibrations that establish deep concentration in the chanting person. Chanting is, in one sense, the most ancient method of using affirmations to bring about changes in your life.

Be Curious

Ways to Improve Your Luck The more curious you are, the more available you will be to possibility and the “luckier” you will become. Open your eyes, look around, and ask questions. Assume nothing! Curiosity will lead you down roads that you might not otherwise have traveled. You just never know how you might bump into, what opportunity might present itself, or what positive change you will affect through your creative and curious mind.

Take Baby Steps

Ways to Improve Your Luck Success does not happen overnight. In truth, it takes a lot of work to move forward, and it can sometimes feel overwhelming. The best and most effective way to accomplish what you want, to stay open to the lucky forces of the universe, is to take your dreams one small baby step at a time.

Try It: Who Knows What Might Happen!

Ways to Improve Your Luck Two of the best ways to “be lucky” are to be willing to take calculated risks and to embrace unexpected opportunities. Try new things. Go new places. Don’t just do the things for which you know the eventual outcome. Stretch yourself. Go outside your comfort zone!

Visualize the Lucky You

Ways to Improve Your Luck See yourself as a lucky person, someone who simply gets what they want. Visualize that your soul’s windows are open, fresh air is pouring in, and with it the positive energy of the universe. See yourself in detail. Experience the feelings of a “lucky” person. Take in every detail.

Stay Motivated

Ways to Improve Your Luck To get and stay lucky, you need to live from a place of motivation. You’ll want to hang out with people who are on similar upward spiral tracks. Read books that inspire. (might I humbly suggest, All is Forgiven, Move On by Janice Taylor, it’s a great one!)

Giving Up is Not an Option

Ways to Improve Your Luck Fact: the luckiest and most successful people are the ones who have failed over and over and over again, but did not give up. No, they learned from their failures; filed them away as “feedback,” and then they forged ahead. “Unlucky” people write themselves off. “Lucky” people keep on going!

Ask for What You Want

Ways to Improve Your Luck It’s no accident that those who are lucky and get what they want, actually ask for it! Trust your desires and make requests without apology. Go for it! And if your request is turned down, consider the answer to be a temporary “no.” It’s okay to ask for what you want again, later, at a different time.

Clear the Clutter

Ways to Improve Your Luck Clutter can be anything that you no longer use, need, like, love, or appreciate. Clear it out of your path. I suspect that we all have too many possessions, unhealthy habits, antiquated beliefs, and old emotions that drain us. It is energizing, invigorating, and healing to free ourselves of clutter. Clear the way and invite good luck in!

And When All Else Fails…

Ways to Improve Your Luck Get yourself a good luck charm; I highly recommend authentic four-leaf clover. Or… Step in a shadow! Or… Place sugar in your cup before the teabag. And last, but finally not least, for those of you who are willing to take risks and go out on a limb, wear your clothing inside-out. All these superstitions are guaranteed to improve your luck – as well as receive attention and some stares from onlookers, for sure!

By Janice Taylor

 

EQ For Everybody

Filed under: Uncategorized — ktetaichinh @ 4:30 pm
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by Steve Hein

Below are links to my complete 1996 book. I decided to put the whole book on line because I believe onte we need now in the world is more free sharing of ideas and information, and less creation and accumulation of things and money.

Please note that when I wrote this book I was basing my concept of emotional intelligence on the 1995 book by Goleman. I now believe Goleman himself doesn’t really understand what EI is, although he did get many people in the world thinking about it, including me. Now I have my own definition of emotional intelligence:

Emotional intelligence is the innate potential to feel, use, communicate, recognize, remember, describe, identify, learn from, manage, understand and explain emotions.

One of the main differences between my idea of EI and that of most others is my emphasis on it being an innate potential we are born with. This potential can then either be develloped in healthy ways over our lives, or in unhealthy ways. As far as the term “EQ” is concerned, I don’t use it much in my writing now. But for the purposes of this book, I suggest you think of what I have written as a combination of

1) a high level of development of one’s innate emotional intelligence,

2) a set of learned practical emotional skills

Steve Hein — Sept. 2000

April 2006 Note – I made a few more corrections and clarifications to Chapter 1 (in grey text)..


Table of Contents

Front Cover, Dedication, Acknowledgements, etc.

Chapter 1 – Introduction and Background
Chapter 2 – The B.A.R.E. Essentials
Chapter 3 – Emotional Literacy
Chapter 4 – EQ and Self-Esteem
Chapter 5 – Validation and Invalidation
Chapter 6 – EQ and Happiness
Chapter 7 – Using Your Emotions to Set and Achieve Your Goals
Chapter 8 – The Positive Value of Negative Feelings
Chapter 9 – Relationships
Chapter 10 – Parenting
Chapter 11 – Signs of High & Low EQ
Chapter 12 – How To Raise Your EQ


EQ For Everybody

Copyright 1996 Steve Hein
Limited First Edition
Copyright Notice – All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced without written permission from the author, except for brief quotations in a review.

Library of Congress CIP Number 96-095131 ISBN 0-9655393-0-X

Aristotle Press, Clearwater Florida

 

Family Values: How Kids Learn Cooperation

Filed under: Uncategorized — ktetaichinh @ 4:25 pm

Cooperation—working in harmony with others to achieve a goal—is vital not only to a happy, successful life but also to a more peaceful and harmonious world. Cooperation requires children to solve conflicts and exercise a certain amount of self-control and empathy—often letting go of something they want for the good of the group. Building this kind of team spirit begins in the family, where kids learn how good it feels when everyone works together. As the classic children’s song puts it: “The more we get together, the happier we’ll be.”

Mother attuned to her baby

Tune In to Your Child

The seeds of cooperation are planted very early, when parents tune in and respond to their young child’s needs. Try mirroring exercises: When you smile into your child’s eyes or synchronize your movements to his, it creates a harmonious rhythm that says to the child, “Mom and Dad understand me.” As kids get older, listening empathetically to them–even as you make demands or enforce rules–continues to foster the good feeling of reciprocity, the give-and-take that underlies cooperation.

Hands full of jacks

Share and Share Alike

Why is sharing so hard to do? Because initially children think their toys might disappear permanently if someone takes them away–and their drive to be separate makes “No” the word of choice. Still, it’s important that kids begin the process of learning to share even though it may take a few years to sink in. Why? Sharing some of their possessions is an early precursor to sharing thoughts and ideas. It also strengthens the bond between friends and makes people feel closer and happier, a strong basis for cooperation.

Making a list

Set a Few Good Rules

Cooperation starts with learning to follow the rules that make a family–or any group–run more smoothly. But if parents don’t set any guidelines, kids never get used to having limitations on their behavior. (On the other hand, too many rules make home a stern, forbidding place.) Having a few simple rules in the context of loving family relationships gives kids a strong foundation for working together with others. Rules can range from “no muddy shoes in the house” to “no name-calling.” These convey the sense that children are part of something larger than themselves and that the world does not revolve around them.

Boys arguing

Teach Problem-Solving Basics

When kids get into a dispute, parents often want to jump in and solve the problem. But kids learn more by solving disagreements themselves than when you take over. Help them control their impulses by having them take a few breaths before they say or do anything. Encourage verbal problem-solving, pointing out, “How do you think that makes her feel?” and “Can you think of some ways to work this out?” Show children how to use “I messages” to tell their friends what’s bothering them. Instead of “You’re stupid,” they could say, “I feel mad when you take my toy.” Use “I messages” yourself as a way to express your feelings without blaming or attacking.

Family spelling out TEAM

Kindle Family Spirit

The family is the first group to which children belong. It’s important to help them see their family as a team that benefits as a whole when each person does his or her part. Give age-appropriate chores to foster a spirit of helpfulness at home. Since kids are more cooperative when they have some choice in the matter, you might offer choices for jobs they can do, geared to their various likes and dislikes. Fun traditions like making up a song with every family member’s name or taking turns talking about their day at the dinner table also contribute to the growth of cooperation.

Smiling group of kids

Encourage Group Projects

When kids engage in projects with friends–building something, cooking, putting on a play or musical, or pretending together–they strengthen the social skills that underlie cooperation. Encourage children to collaborate on creating a pretend environment (such as a farm or a restaurant), and suggest they decide together what animals or food they want to make. The point is that they are learning to be flexible, to use language for mutual understanding, to work out decisions–the basic ingredients of cooperation. Throughout their school years, doing projects with classmates allows kids to see first-hand that when people come together to cooperate, great things can be achieved.

Father and son heart-to-heart talk

Talk About Peer Pressure

There are times when cooperation isn’t a virtue, such as when peer pressure pushes kids to go along with things they shouldn’t. Teach them to be aware of their alternatives and to have a strong enough individual sense to know what’s really good for the group and what’s not. Talk about the difference between going along with the crowd in negative ways, like harassing another child or shoplifting–and true cooperation toward a positive goal.

Young soccer goalie

Join the Team

Playing team sports is a time-honored way of giving kids the opportunity to practice cooperation. Not only do they see how rules work for the common good, they learn to put off immediate gratification for long-term gain. A child may want to play a certain position, but if the coach needs him in another spot, he’ll have to sacrifice his personal desire for the good of the team. If your child doesn’t love sports, joining another kind of team–a band, a debating team, a drama club–can offer the same kind of experiences. All of us have individual strengths and weaknesses, and teamwork enables us to maximize our strengths and compensate for our weaknesses in order to make a contribution. These lessons serve children well in later life.

Hands together as a team

Do Community Service

Lots of schools encourage students to participate in community service, but it’s also great to volunteer as a family. Not only will you be helping your community—you’ll be showing kids how banding together can have an effect on the larger world, not just on their own immediate lives. Check out the needs of your community and how much time you have available. You could commit to a regular weekly spot at a food bank or participate in a short-term project, like spring cleanup at a recreation area. Through volunteering, kids learn to work together, to take on different roles, and to set goals. But the most lasting benefit is the closeness you’ll feel as a family joined in a cooperative effort.

From Beliefnet.com

 

Teaching Courage

Filed under: Uncategorized — ktetaichinh @ 4:25 pm

Courage is an essential ingredient in growing up. It’s what propels us to reach new milestones—from learning to walk to learning math—even though the effort seems hard or painful. Courage can be physical, like jumping from a diving board, or moral, like doing the right thing in the face of possible ridicule. Read our tips on how to raise courageous kids.

Family Values, Courage, build confidence

Build Confidence

Have you ever seen a toddler learn to walk? No matter how many times she falls, she picks herself up and tries again. Kids have a natural drive to master new skills despite their fears of getting hurt. The more a young child confronts physical challenges, like learning to run or climb, the more capable she feels, and the more likely she is to take on new challenges in the future.

How to Help: Encourage independence a little at a time, and compliment your child when he tries a new activity. Don’t hover—let your child play on her own for part of every day.

Family Values, Courage, overcome fear of the dark

Overcome Fear

When kids start to worry about ghosts or start to be afraid of the dark, it’s a sign that their cognitive abilities are developing. They can imagine things that aren’t there. At this point, their courage might need a little extra boost.

How to Help: Harness their vivid imaginations to help them overcome fear. You might give a child who is afraid of monsters pretend “monster spray,” or keep bad dreams away by making up a “no bad dreams” song at bedtime. Help your child use words to express fear instead of becoming paralyzed by it, such as “Mommy, I feel scared because that dog is big.”

Family Values, courage, facing the unknown

Face the Unknown

Your child’s growing independence leads him to encounter the unexpected. When a child walks into a classroom for the first time, she’ll face a host of unknowns: Will the teacher be nice? Will she make friends? Will schoolwork be hard? As she learns to deal with these fears, she gains the courage to face the unknown.

How to Help: Read or make up a story about an upcoming event—like starting school—to familiarize your child with the challenges. Walk your child through what she might expect and let her talk through ways to handle it.

Family Values, Courage, moral courage

Do the Right Thing

As kids gain an awareness of others’ perspectives and a sense of right and wrong, they build the foundation of moral courage–the drive to do the right thing despite fear of negative consequences.

How to Help: Praise your child when he returns a toy he’s found to its rightful owner or picks an unpopular child to play in a pick-up game of baseball. Role-play what to do if she sees another child being teased or bullied. Practice some scenarios that might arise if your child is pressured by friends to do something he feels is wrong.

Family Values, Courage, couple problem-solving

Set a Good Example

How you behave can ignite your child’s physical and moral courage. When your child falls down or gets hurt, do you help her calmly or do you panic? The ways in which moms and dads deal with illness or loss can influence kids.

How to Help: When difficulties come up in your own life, try not to lose it; instead, take a deep breath and talk about how you’ll solve the problem. And when you take a stand for what’s right, although it’s unpopular, you provide an example that kids remember.

Family Values, Courage, skateboarding

Avoid Foolish Bravado

Courage does not mean taking unnecessary chances or neglecting safety. The cry “Look Ma, no hands!” is foolhardy, not courageous.

How to Help: Explain to kids that they need to balance physical courage with common sense–that there’s a difference between dangerous showing off, such as skateboarding down a flight of stairs, and taking calculated risks, like practicing jumps in a skateboard park.

Family Values, Courage, young teen with earphones

Understand Why Courage Goes Underground

Sometimes older kids might not be able to take a moral stand in the face of peer disapproval. However, it’s important to recognize that courage has not disappeared–it’s merely in hibernation. Below their surface cool, kids are keenly aware of life’s injustices.

How to Help: Praise your child when you observe her putting her ethical sense above popularity, by defending a picked-on friend or staying away from kids who shoplift. Encourage him to raise money for children from very poor or war-ravaged country, and explain how these kids show courage just by surviving.

Family Values, Courage, talk to grandparents

Involve the Older Generation

Were your parents or grandparents in the military? Did they immigrate or have to deal with discrimination? Did they live through hard times? How did they cope? You may have a first-hand source of courageous inspiration right in the family.

How to Help: Ask older relatives to tell stories of heroic acts they were part of or witnessed. Children love storytelling, and learning about examples of courage close to home will have a powerful effect.

Family Values, courage, positive heroes

Teach Kids About Positive Heroes

Courage in its best sense is positive, energizing us to help others–even if it means taking an independent position. Kids understandably don’t like the possibility of being labeled “uncool.” So it’s helpful for them to have examples of famous people whose courageous stands ultimately had positive effects on others.

How to Help: Talk about historical events in which people showed moral courage–such as the Germans who defied Hitler–or the achievements of people like Gandhi, Mother Teresa, or Martin Luther King, who acted bravely and ethically. Be open to discussing difficult situations your children are facing that need moral reasoning.

From Beliefnet.com